Sometimes, as we lurch from one parenting crisis to another—and from one attempt to be a ‘good’ parent in the eyes of other adults to another, there’s a nagging feeling that something is amiss. In The Myth of the Spoiled Child, Alfie Kohn looks carefully at some of the current sacred cows of child raising, nailing down what is amiss and what we can do about it.

Alfie Kohn’s clarion call is for a ‘working with’ rather than a ‘doing to’ approach to parenting, educating and otherwise interacting with children. Unconditional Parenting is his coalface parenting book. So that we’re ready to try something new as a parent, Kohn sets out the take-home message—via some alarming research about what traditional ‘doing to’ style parenting is, well, ‘doing to’ our children. 

Actually I think it’s really ‘kids and parents may be right after all’, because I’ve never met a parent who loves homework. Alfie to the rescue! With evidence that homework fails to accomplish its stated purposes—to raise achievement, teach independence and establish good habits.

When we praise kids—either with the ubiquitous ‘good job’ or using pretty much any other form of praise—we are treading on dangerous ground.